Funny In The Future.

(... we are making a show(tv show.. podcast... website... etc.), called "Let's Make Politics!"... and, I'm blogging about the process of making this thing.)

I could literally fill your day with funny... if I wanted to.

(... that sounds weirdly threatening... doesn't it...?)

I mean, you'd have to agree to this.... don't get me wrong, this is a partnership.

But.... I could fill your day with funny.... or, with great music.... or, mind-blowing science and tech... if I wanted to put in the time, and link you to it.

We are all living in the future.... drink it in.

It is 2009.... as I write and emphasize those numbers.

Think about that!

(No.... think harder, dammit!)

We may not have moon bases and colonies on Mars(... why don't we have like an awesome casino on Mars, yet?).... and, we may not have worked out how to re-grow our limbs when we cut them of-

What...? Oh, we have worked that out.... it's just a long way from being installed into local, chain pharmacies....? (see the genetics bits in my post; It's gonna be.... awesome!)

Well.... that's cool..... I'll just drag my bloody, spurting stump into the Shopper's Drug Mart and grab a seat beside the 100 year-old greek man, checking his blood pressure every fifteen minutes. You're almost dead anyway.... go out and live, Mr. Papadapoulous!

(here's a quick question.... if there was an 'easy' way to re-grow an arm or leg... would you be the guy with the 'balls' to try cutting off your wiener, just under the tip, in the hopes that it'd grow back longer....? No pain... no gain.)

Today... I spent the better part of my day..... the alert, waking hours.... filling my own day with funny.

That was my little, free gift to me.(... an ice cream cone, for a work meeting the day before with some 'money guys'.... and, like a late-90's Vince Vaughan, I'm here to tell you... both these dudes were "sooo money.")

I spackled hilarity into every empty crevice of my brain cavity... and, predictably, everything got better.

Turns out... all my brain needs is to remember that there is good in the world... and, it's good to go.

A bit of brain candy(.... in conjunction with beer, weed and actual 'candy' candy)... and, we're ready to fight another day.

I've talked about the whole 'hopeful' aspect of this show, a few times now. Getting at the coveted 'sullen youth demo' through that 'awesome-ness of the future' angle.(... and, if that don't work, I'm gonna dress up as a tortured, ninja vampire with a sassy, transformin' robot side-kick.... the numbers tell me, that's the smart play.)

Well..... that 'future... hooray!' bit is the backbone of this show we're gonna be building... yes, that's true.

But, I'm not gonna live in a future without funny. (I will stage a hilarious public suicide, if it comes to that.... that'll learn 'em to laugh more.)

Good news is... if the future starts tomorrow, I know tomorrow there'll be more funny out there than there is today. (... and, in an 'infinite content universe', I'd say we're gonna be in pretty good shape.)

I remember when I was growing up, my Mom would give me these quote books to read.

They were like "The Speaker's Collection Of Quotations"... or, "Great and Famous Quotes".

In the books, you'd find short quotes from assorted philosophers and leaders... great thinkers and comedians. Just this jewel of wit and wisdom... their name... and, the year they said it.

It's funny how, without context, I wouldn't know to make distinctions.

There were quotes from Woody Allen, right alongside Isaac Asimov.

Or, George Carlin sitting underneath Carl Sagan.

Albert Brooks... and Albert Einstein. Oscar Wilde and Aristotle. Winston Churchill. Mark Twain. Martin Luther King. Ralph Waldo Emmerson. George Bernard Shaw..... y'know, ad infinitum.

It's just a big soup of names... if you don't know who they are.

But, they were dropping this 'knowledge' on my tiny, still-coalescing brain... so, I thought... these philosophers.... these thinkers.... these 'comedians'.... I guess these cats will be my teachers.

..... it's worth noting, I've got more comedy teachers at my fingertips as I type this... then every quote book ever to come off a printing press..... more than I could ever possibly exhaust. Just listen to Todd Glass and Jimmy Dore talk to Patton Oswalt about the 'golden age' we're livin' in, on Comedy And Everything Else... and, like me, you'll be ready to run through a wall.... though, I'd suggest an alternate outlet for your zeal...

To this day.... I still have quotes written on scraps of paper and taped-up around my apartment from those quote books.

Hand-written platitudes in marker on big bristol boards.

I have these notes... written from memory... hanging all over my apartment to remind me to laugh... and to think... and, to try and spread that around.(... like a convincing sociopath with pubic lice; "Oh, trust me.... you'll love 'em. They're like sea monkeys that travel with you in your underwear.")

When I meet with 'tv people' and assorted 'money-types' about "Let's Make Politics!"... more than any other note, I get the "dumb it down" speech.

"If we're gonna sell these people... these 'tv watchers' and assorted a-holes sitting on their sofas..... this show about the 'awesome-ness of the future', we're gonna have to 'dumb it down'. But, we do want to be in business with you.... 'cause, you are money, baby. You're so money, you can do this and still make this how you want it to be." (... 'real', unscripted people saying these words, by the way.)

I reply....; "Actually, I want it to be funny instead."

"I'd like it to make you laugh and make you think. Y'know, like if a comedian were talking about the future."

You kids at home... trying to make your own 'tv shows'.... keep in mind, that there'll be days where you can't remember why you'd want to run this gauntlet of face punches and fuckwits... and get up again to do it the next day.

Oh... but, don't take my word for it..... listen to a world-wearied and 'wizened' Dave Chappelle On Hollywood.(... and, though I won't spoon feed you... I implore you to go further down the rabbit hole with all of Chappelle's Inside the Actor's Studio. We miss you, Dave.... but, you're never really gone, if we can watch you on demand.)

I thought about whether these cunts... could suffocate the funny in the future.

Then...... I spent the morning re-familiarizing myself with John Mulaney's Best Meal Ever Bit and felt re-invigorated... pacing excitedly, until my feet tired.

I watched Brody Stevens eat a heckler's dinner & high five a waiter... and, then rolled up my sleeves(... and sat back again in my chair.)

I watched Kyle Kinane win over a room full of video-game playing shut-ins........ and then, admittedly.... I took a break to watch "Crank 2: High Voltage"(... loved it!) and play with myself a little while(... loved that too!)... then, 'back to the salt mines'.

I'm like Emperor Ming... double-clapping for an infinite populace of performers to wile away a grey day, by dancing and making merry for my amusement.

I clap my hands and it's Brian Regan... or, Chris Rock.... or, Peter Cook ... or, Chris Hardwick.... or, Bob Newhart... or, Norm MacDonald... or, Paul F. Tompkins... or, Eddie Murphy... or, Billy Connolly... or, Mitch Hedberg.... or, Jonathan Winters... or, Bill Cosby... or, Bill Hicks.... or, Bill Bailey.... or, Steve Martin.... or, Larry Miller.... or, Jerry Seinfeld... or, Zach Galifianakis... or, Richard Pryor.... or, Zach Galifianakis.... or, Gary Shandling... or, Ricky Gervais... or, Russell Brand.... or, Kevin Pollack... or, Sarah Silverman.... or, Dennis Miller... or, Steven Wright... or, Todd Glass... or, Mitch Fatel... or, Maria Bamford.... or, Sean Cullen... or, Demetri Martin.... or, Buddy Hackett.... or, Eugene Mirman... or, Charles Grodin... or, ............................................................ sorry.... just blacked out there for a second. (Funny how my finger stayed on the key, though.).... so, yeah..... uh... Charles Grodin... kinda light-headed now.... um.... Fozzie Bear....? uh....... Gallagher?(... by the way... what the fuck, 1980's audiences.... you paid your good money to wear rain ponchos and see a giant couch...? I suppose if you travel everywhere in a special, small bus... a giant couch would break your brain.)

.... now, I did hand-pick all those clips and bits to give you a varied sampling platter... 'assorted cured meats of the globe'.... but, through each one of those names.... that name and that link...... is a rabbit hole to a wonderland of brain blow jobs and imagination intercourse.

Do you get what's mind-blowingly, fuck-tacular about the future?

I mean, I don't want to oversell it.... but, holy titty-fucking jesus... this is awesome!!!!!!

And, it's only gonna get better...

The future is hopeful.(.... it's kinda what I'm hangin' this whole show on, so, I hope it's hopeful.)

So, what's funny in the future?

It's kind of a D.I.Y. thing, I think.(.. that's Do It Yourself, for anyone who can't figure that out themselves.)

Like everything else, funny in the future is whatever we make it. And, whatever we find funny, I guarantee there'll be progressively more of it.

Funny in the future is everything, all the time.

Funny in the future is smarter than it's ever been... and, harder than it's ever been.

Funny in the future is the horizon you can only see... standing on the shoulders of giants.

Funny in the future is gonna be awesome!! (I think I need a more 'awesome' word than awesome..... anybody?)

In a future where science and philosophy look like twin boys taking turns kicking each other in the balls.... that's pretty funny. (I wish I could've had Hal Douglas, read this.)

In a future where we may not be able to afford to feed ourselves... we'll live on laughter.(... at least, a few days before we finally die suffering in starvation.)

In a future where.. as we've established.. we're gonna be able to grow back our own limbs, like a gecko's tail... funny in the future is where we give ourselves a hand. (..... ba dum tshhh! :)