Funny In The Future.

(... we are making a show(tv show.. podcast... website... etc.), called "Let's Make Politics!"... and, I'm blogging about the process of making this thing.)

I could literally fill your day with funny... if I wanted to.

(... that sounds weirdly threatening... doesn't it...?)

I mean, you'd have to agree to this.... don't get me wrong, this is a partnership.

But.... I could fill your day with funny.... or, with great music.... or, mind-blowing science and tech... if I wanted to put in the time, and link you to it.

We are all living in the future.... drink it in.

It is 2009.... as I write and emphasize those numbers.

Think about that!

(No.... think harder, dammit!)

We may not have moon bases and colonies on Mars(... why don't we have like an awesome casino on Mars, yet?).... and, we may not have worked out how to re-grow our limbs when we cut them of-

What...? Oh, we have worked that out.... it's just a long way from being installed into local, chain pharmacies....? (see the genetics bits in my post; It's gonna be.... awesome!)

Well.... that's cool..... I'll just drag my bloody, spurting stump into the Shopper's Drug Mart and grab a seat beside the 100 year-old greek man, checking his blood pressure every fifteen minutes. You're almost dead anyway.... go out and live, Mr. Papadapoulous!

(here's a quick question.... if there was an 'easy' way to re-grow an arm or leg... would you be the guy with the 'balls' to try cutting off your wiener, just under the tip, in the hopes that it'd grow back longer....? No pain... no gain.)

Today... I spent the better part of my day..... the alert, waking hours.... filling my own day with funny.

That was my little, free gift to me.(... an ice cream cone, for a work meeting the day before with some 'money guys'.... and, like a late-90's Vince Vaughan, I'm here to tell you... both these dudes were "sooo money.")

I spackled hilarity into every empty crevice of my brain cavity... and, predictably, everything got better.

Turns out... all my brain needs is to remember that there is good in the world... and, it's good to go.

A bit of brain candy(.... in conjunction with beer, weed and actual 'candy' candy)... and, we're ready to fight another day.

I've talked about the whole 'hopeful' aspect of this show, a few times now. Getting at the coveted 'sullen youth demo' through that 'awesome-ness of the future' angle.(... and, if that don't work, I'm gonna dress up as a tortured, ninja vampire with a sassy, transformin' robot side-kick.... the numbers tell me, that's the smart play.)

Well..... that 'future... hooray!' bit is the backbone of this show we're gonna be building... yes, that's true.

But, I'm not gonna live in a future without funny. (I will stage a hilarious public suicide, if it comes to that.... that'll learn 'em to laugh more.)

Good news is... if the future starts tomorrow, I know tomorrow there'll be more funny out there than there is today. (... and, in an 'infinite content universe', I'd say we're gonna be in pretty good shape.)

I remember when I was growing up, my Mom would give me these quote books to read.

They were like "The Speaker's Collection Of Quotations"... or, "Great and Famous Quotes".

In the books, you'd find short quotes from assorted philosophers and leaders... great thinkers and comedians. Just this jewel of wit and wisdom... their name... and, the year they said it.

It's funny how, without context, I wouldn't know to make distinctions.

There were quotes from Woody Allen, right alongside Isaac Asimov.

Or, George Carlin sitting underneath Carl Sagan.

Albert Brooks... and Albert Einstein. Oscar Wilde and Aristotle. Winston Churchill. Mark Twain. Martin Luther King. Ralph Waldo Emmerson. George Bernard Shaw..... y'know, ad infinitum.

It's just a big soup of names... if you don't know who they are.

But, they were dropping this 'knowledge' on my tiny, still-coalescing brain... so, I thought... these philosophers.... these thinkers.... these 'comedians'.... I guess these cats will be my teachers.

..... it's worth noting, I've got more comedy teachers at my fingertips as I type this... then every quote book ever to come off a printing press..... more than I could ever possibly exhaust. Just listen to Todd Glass and Jimmy Dore talk to Patton Oswalt about the 'golden age' we're livin' in, on Comedy And Everything Else... and, like me, you'll be ready to run through a wall.... though, I'd suggest an alternate outlet for your zeal...

To this day.... I still have quotes written on scraps of paper and taped-up around my apartment from those quote books.

Hand-written platitudes in marker on big bristol boards.

I have these notes... written from memory... hanging all over my apartment to remind me to laugh... and to think... and, to try and spread that around.(... like a convincing sociopath with pubic lice; "Oh, trust me.... you'll love 'em. They're like sea monkeys that travel with you in your underwear.")

When I meet with 'tv people' and assorted 'money-types' about "Let's Make Politics!"... more than any other note, I get the "dumb it down" speech.

"If we're gonna sell these people... these 'tv watchers' and assorted a-holes sitting on their sofas..... this show about the 'awesome-ness of the future', we're gonna have to 'dumb it down'. But, we do want to be in business with you.... 'cause, you are money, baby. You're so money, you can do this and still make this how you want it to be." (... 'real', unscripted people saying these words, by the way.)

I reply....; "Actually, I want it to be funny instead."

"I'd like it to make you laugh and make you think. Y'know, like if a comedian were talking about the future."

You kids at home... trying to make your own 'tv shows'.... keep in mind, that there'll be days where you can't remember why you'd want to run this gauntlet of face punches and fuckwits... and get up again to do it the next day.

Oh... but, don't take my word for it..... listen to a world-wearied and 'wizened' Dave Chappelle On Hollywood.(... and, though I won't spoon feed you... I implore you to go further down the rabbit hole with all of Chappelle's Inside the Actor's Studio. We miss you, Dave.... but, you're never really gone, if we can watch you on demand.)

I thought about whether these cunts... could suffocate the funny in the future.

Then...... I spent the morning re-familiarizing myself with John Mulaney's Best Meal Ever Bit and felt re-invigorated... pacing excitedly, until my feet tired.

I watched Brody Stevens eat a heckler's dinner & high five a waiter... and, then rolled up my sleeves(... and sat back again in my chair.)

I watched Kyle Kinane win over a room full of video-game playing shut-ins........ and then, admittedly.... I took a break to watch "Crank 2: High Voltage"(... loved it!) and play with myself a little while(... loved that too!)... then, 'back to the salt mines'.

I'm like Emperor Ming... double-clapping for an infinite populace of performers to wile away a grey day, by dancing and making merry for my amusement.

I clap my hands and it's Brian Regan... or, Chris Rock.... or, Peter Cook ... or, Chris Hardwick.... or, Bob Newhart... or, Norm MacDonald... or, Paul F. Tompkins... or, Eddie Murphy... or, Billy Connolly... or, Mitch Hedberg.... or, Jonathan Winters... or, Bill Cosby... or, Bill Hicks.... or, Bill Bailey.... or, Steve Martin.... or, Larry Miller.... or, Jerry Seinfeld... or, Zach Galifianakis... or, Richard Pryor.... or, Zach Galifianakis.... or, Gary Shandling... or, Ricky Gervais... or, Russell Brand.... or, Kevin Pollack... or, Sarah Silverman.... or, Dennis Miller... or, Steven Wright... or, Todd Glass... or, Mitch Fatel... or, Maria Bamford.... or, Sean Cullen... or, Demetri Martin.... or, Buddy Hackett.... or, Eugene Mirman... or, Charles Grodin... or, ............................................................ sorry.... just blacked out there for a second. (Funny how my finger stayed on the key, though.).... so, yeah..... uh... Charles Grodin... kinda light-headed now.... um.... Fozzie Bear....? uh....... Gallagher?(... by the way... what the fuck, 1980's audiences.... you paid your good money to wear rain ponchos and see a giant couch...? I suppose if you travel everywhere in a special, small bus... a giant couch would break your brain.)

.... now, I did hand-pick all those clips and bits to give you a varied sampling platter... 'assorted cured meats of the globe'.... but, through each one of those names.... that name and that link...... is a rabbit hole to a wonderland of brain blow jobs and imagination intercourse.

Do you get what's mind-blowingly, fuck-tacular about the future?

I mean, I don't want to oversell it.... but, holy titty-fucking jesus... this is awesome!!!!!!

And, it's only gonna get better...

The future is hopeful.(.... it's kinda what I'm hangin' this whole show on, so, I hope it's hopeful.)

So, what's funny in the future?

It's kind of a D.I.Y. thing, I think.(.. that's Do It Yourself, for anyone who can't figure that out themselves.)

Like everything else, funny in the future is whatever we make it. And, whatever we find funny, I guarantee there'll be progressively more of it.

Funny in the future is everything, all the time.

Funny in the future is smarter than it's ever been... and, harder than it's ever been.

Funny in the future is the horizon you can only see... standing on the shoulders of giants.

Funny in the future is gonna be awesome!! (I think I need a more 'awesome' word than awesome..... anybody?)

In a future where science and philosophy look like twin boys taking turns kicking each other in the balls.... that's pretty funny. (I wish I could've had Hal Douglas, read this.)

In a future where we may not be able to afford to feed ourselves... we'll live on laughter.(... at least, a few days before we finally die suffering in starvation.)

In a future where.. as we've established.. we're gonna be able to grow back our own limbs, like a gecko's tail... funny in the future is where we give ourselves a hand. (..... ba dum tshhh! :)

In my own little world.

(... we are making a show (tv show... podcast... website... etc.), called; "Let's Make Politics!"... and, I'm blogging about the process of making the show.)

Someone suggested my documenting the process of making this thing... in pictures... like local Toronto boy and 'pic-a-day' pioneer, Jeff Harris.

This self-portrait will count for day number.... fuck knows what... of the process.

(... this is an interesting side-effect, it turns out, of having my ribs removed.... the impetus for which was, of course, being able to fellate myself and not leave the house. That's getting head by using your head... is what that is.)

All of this, in turn, reminded me of this old showbiz joke;

These two industry execs are walkin' down the hall.

One turns to the other, and says; "Did you see a screener of that new movie?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what'd you think?"

"I don't know.... I'm the only one who's seen it."

Get it?

See, the joke is.... they're a-holes.

Caricatures of hollywood pinheads (.. to borrow a Letterman-ism), who can't create their own opinion in a vacuum.

They're basically saying; 'I don't know what's popular... so, how can I know what's right? Just... tell me the 'right' opinion to have... and, I'll be of that opinion.'

Now, of course... this is a joke.

These people don't actually exist as mid-level entertainment executives..... no, they've long since been promoted to senior management positions. ;)

But, the broader point is.... we've got to work to guard against our own little worlds... getting even littler. (... it is too, a fuckin' word... perhaps best used in the now famous "Twilight Zone" episode about the alternate universe where Hitler stood three-feet tall; "A Littler Hitler." Hervé Villechaize, we will not see your like again.)

We've got to guard against the dreaded... 'echo chamber' effect. Dum, dum, dum!

That's the pitfall of the net, they say. Given infinite resources at your fingertips, you'll still only gravitate to other people with ideas and opinions that echo or reinforce your own.

The net is just a bunch of rooms in a big building... where no-one hears what anybody's saying in the other rooms... and, no-one in any of the rooms voices a distinct or contradictory opinion or notion.... kinda like the Bush White House. (... oooh snap! Nailed 'em. C'mon.... people, we all smelt the blood in the water with the Bush Administration... I just have the balls to say what others won't.)

Now... for someone who loves the sound of his own voice, as much as I do... an 'echo chamber' doesn't sound bad at all.

Being surrounded by opinions that only echo your own.... this sounds bad to some people?

That's a world I want to live in.

But then... y'know how, some parents will say (affectionately) about their own simple or 'slow-witted' child; "Oh, he's in his own little world."

Just try to picture... little 'Mongo'.... his oversized headphones propped up on his pronounced forehead... a melted ice-cream sandwich distributed equally between his baseball game, give-away windbreaker and every part of his face, except his mouth.

Are you picturing him...? (... if you feel horrible about yourself.... but, mostly because your laughing to yourself... then you're doing it.)

In this picture in your mind's eye.... how happy does little 'Mongo' look?

I would wager, he looks happier than you've ever been in your entire life.

So, the moral of the story is...... let's all be retarded.

Sharp blows to the head for all! Hooray!!

Except......... sometimes, it's not genuine. Neither the retardation, nor the happiness. (see my post; The Shawshank Poo Pipe)

(And, for more posts where I reference my other posts... see my posts; Dicks In Your Ear, Please, Don't Take It Personal...., Submit and Release.... to Dicks In Your Ear, Solipsism... and "True Fans", Oh, you do go on..., "Rabbit ears, am I starting to get to you?", It's gonna be.... awesome!, and Do you wanna be a 'hairdo'...? :)

... where was I...? Oh, right... 'echo chambers', 'head up your ass'-types and fake retardation.

Sometimes.... this 'retard for the masses' thing.... is an act.

(I'm not suggesting here, that little 'Mongo' sneaks you a knowing wink when his Mom's not looking. He's like; "Dude, don't ruin this for me. I've got the world on a string over here. I'm 36. My mom pays my rent, buys me music, takes me to ball games.... all the give-away windbreakers and ice-cream sandwiches I could want. Shit.... she's lookin' over here. Just be cool. Be cool." And then, he goes back to cramming buttermilk ice-cream up his nose.)

No, I'm talking about another fake retardation. I'm talkin' about "ET".

"ET" (or, Entertainment Tonight" as it's also known) was so named for it's wide-eyed, developmentally challenged, space alien's perspective on 'popular culture'.

"ET" has brand recognition in the entertainment news game.

It is, in fact, the brand.

It is, as "Coke" is to cola drinks... or, maybe more like "Kleenex" is to tissues (... in that, when you open it up to examine the contents... it's mostly just snot, some blood and, maybe a few hairs encrusted with snot and blood).

Better still..... "Entertainment Tonight" is that aunt you had as a kid.

Auntie "ET" was the one who never really knew what you were into, at all.

Maybe, one or two vague conversations had passed between you.. in the entire history of your relationship.

And.... your birthday rolls around.

So, Auntie "ET" goes down to the local HMV and talks to the self-loathing hipster behind the counter...; "I wanna get my nephew some music for his birthday."

"Okay", he replies; "What kind of stuff does he like?"

"I have no idea."

"O... kay. Well, I guess you could look at the most popular stuff on the wall. There's a 'top 30 chart'."

Cut to: You, at your birthday party, unwrapping the new 'Maroon 5' album. (The difference being... unlike little 'Mongo'... I never entered into any unspoken agreement wherein I pretend to be retarded and you get me shitty music I've already heard of.)

We come back from a break (.. I went to the bathroom to try and flush my 'Maroon 5' record down the toilet), and Auntie "ET" whispers in my ear; "I've also got a 'scoop' on another rock band. They're called 'Coldplay'".

"Whoa.... whoa.... whoa. Slow down, while I run and get a pencil and paper. Coldplay, you say? Is that one word, or two? That is a fantastic 'heads up'. For... you see.... I have been living under a rock... in a cave... with my fingers in my ears... for the past ten years."

That joyless, pointless and valueless exchange..... that anti-service from Auntie "ET".... is less about the 'echo chamber', then it is about the vacuum.

That sound you hear, as we come back from commercial.... is the same when you press your ear up to a conch shell.

Your 'aunt' "Entertainment Tonight"(.. to use her full christian name) is someone who could know better... should know better.... but, couldn't be assed to try.

When I want to know about what's going on in the world of movies and/or films... I'll take the broadest sample of opinions possible.

I'll check in with the The /Filmcast and The IFC News Podcast and KCRW's The Treatment and KCRW's The Business and I Love Movies and(... though I could go on) I wanna point out these are all free, high-quality and each of the people behind these programs, in turn, have an almost infinite sampling of sources informing them.

I get to check in (... to visit) all their little worlds.... and, in doing so, make my little world.... a little better.

I don't have to live in their world and, most often, I wouldn't want to...

Slate's Culture Gabfest is the on-line magazine's weekly roundtable on what's going on in popular culture... all seen through the lens of a cluster of seething smarty-pants jews and lesbians shoehorned into a New York apartment. And, while some might argue that this is the ideal 'echo chamber' for a snobbish, smug twat, like myself..... I'm very happy to just sit in with them for an hour-a-week, and walk away.

Remember When is the polar opposite of Slate's intellectual circle jerk. It takes on pop culture, through the more simple and innocent perspective of two New Jersey geeks talking from their 'gamerooms'(... quite possibly dressed in Matrix outfits..?), who can really plumb the depths of the Star Wars movies excitedly..... as their minds are doubtless 'unburdened' with things like 'lady sex'.

Both of these shows are so unapologetic for their perspectives that they seem like Saturday Night Live parodies come alive. (Honestly.... just listen to an episode of each and, tell me they're not just Bill Hader and guest host Paul Rudd in the studio.)

I get to visit... to peer in on all these unique little worlds, like an intellectually horny and open-minded Captain Kirk...; "Some people might be scared or turned off by your strange three-boobed planet.... myself, I see multiple places to dock the Enterprise... and play 'motor boat'."

In fact, as a taste filter... content creator... all 'round bon vivant... that's kinda my job. To explore new worlds... and expose myself to alien venereal diseases.

I know(.... like I know the sky is blue and water is wet).... I know that "Entertainment Tonight" would not survive.... could not exist... had it started today.

It is a fat, lazy, fake Aunt.... that nobody actually wants to have over at all.... but, she's family... so, we'll just have her in the background and pay no attention to the noises coming from her face.

What's a world look like without "ET"? It's like saying... what if we had four suns, or... what if we lived in an alternate universe where Hitler was three-feet tall(.... it turns out, "A Littler Hitler" would be an angrier Hitler. Makes sense... give Hitler a 'Napoleon complex'.... that's an angry little dude.)

"ET" adds no value to our lives. It makes our respective worlds littler... not bigger or better.

It makes the minimum effort.... and, happily exists in a vacuum where it will never make bold, unique or informed choices nor opinions. It cannot, by its nature, form an opinion or expose you to something new and cool.

If I remember my high school science, there's no echo in a vacuum.

In a vacuum you can't breathe...... and, no one can hear you scream.... dum, dum, dum.

In an 'echo chamber', presumably all you'd hear is yourself screaming... on an infinite loop.

I'm happy to live in my own little world.... and, to do the work every day to make it a little bigger and better.

That's my job.

And, if I don't do my part.... put in the time... do the work.... I can't add value to your little world... and then, there's really no reason for you to come visit mine.

And, y'know what else....; "Shut the fuck up, Auntie "ET"! Yes, we've all heard of the "Transformers" and "Greys Anatomy"... but, nobody gives a shit! Go sit at the kid's table with Mongo and exchange top-40 playlists. Grown-ups are talking now."

And....... scene. :)

Do you wanna be a 'hairdo'...?

(... we are making a tv show (and website... and podcast... etc.) called; "Let's Make Politics!", here in Toronto, Canada. This blog is where we explore that process. In this specific instance... the 'transparent' aspect of posting unproduced, unfinished segments.)

Do you want to be bald?

It's a ridiculous question.... right?

How about herpes sores... want some o' them?

Maybe a rash of acne with the pock marks, bringing that nice 'landscape-effect' to your cheeks.... like the rolling hills and dells of Montana's Big Sky country.... hmm... tempted?

On the face of it..... it's all ridiculously obvious.

No one would choose to be bald.

Well..... now the Possible Cure for Baldness is maybe a year (two, at most) from being an actual cure for baldness.

(quick side note on the linked vid; is there anyone... maybe, in the history of mankind... better suited to report on this, than Matt Lauer? He's kinda got that 'prince passed over for the crown' vibe about him. I totally see him, tearfully pleading to his 'magic vanity mirror' for at least that minimal, Nightly News anchor, sweep of hair. I vote, by the way, for his just saying 'balls, to all this half-measure shite' and showing up to work with an awesomely obvious wig.. just this huge, coiffed head of horse hair... and, never even acknowledging it's audacity.)

This cure for baldness is now..... like an assortment of other 'mind-fuck level' advancements..... just over the horizon.

I used to look at my Dad... as I'm sure he did, at his father before him... and, think to myself, I don't want to get older.... and, I know I don't want to get balder.

I'm vain... I'll own that. But, I also knew I was staring down the barrel of my follicle forebear... so, I better come to terms with it.

This was my fate and my future... so, I better make my peace with that.

It's funny... I used to do a version of this 'time machine' routine with girls I would date in school (... and, I'm talkin' grade school to junior high).

A playground pal pointed out to me; "a good way to judge what a girl's gonna be like when she gets older is to look at her mother." That's the time-lapsed photograph.

Boringly obvious to any grown person now, I know.... but, that's a profound revelation to a kid.

So.... I'd see this girl's 4o-something mother come to pick her up after the bell rang.... and, she's just this unfuckable muppet... and, I'd say; "Y'know.... I don't really see this going anywhere. I don't think I can keep spending my lunches and recesses with you.

We could just keep playing out the string here. I keep giving you half... sometimes all... of my fruit roll-up... and then, bam!... thirty-five years later, I wake up to the chinless Yoda puppet with the driver's license that's kibitzing with the teacher, right now.

I've gotta think about the return on my fruit snack investment. But still, I don't want things to be weird at the next pizza/pool party... I'd like to try to stay friends."

As we start to unlock and unravel our genetic blueprint... explore these new frontiers.... we're also conjuring a big bunch of 'fuck-you's' to our fate.

Gregory Stock gave a hopeful speech in 2003 about where we were going with our genetics.... and, this was before we'd completely mapped the human genome.

Just five years later, Juan Enriquez was on the same stage, talking about genetic leaps that were faster, bolder and more exciting then we could have imagined.

And, we're all great guns ahead!.... 'cause, it's all 'progress'... right?

That's how it's being sold to us.

I mean, it's barreling down on us, whether we like it or not.

But.... the question is now; should you 'cure' your baldness?

There's an expression, that's made it's way into showbiz... where you call someone a 'hairdo'.

It basically means.... he's a head of hair, and not much else.

Other than a thick, lustrous lid of hair... he's an empty, husk of a human being beneath.

We've all seen these people.... 'cause, not-at-all coincidentally, they're the ones hosting the biggest and 'broadest' shows in every country...

(Ben Mulroney, pictured above, is Canada's answer to Ryan Seacrest [assuming the question was, can you out-bland the U. S. of A.'s offering in this mayonnaise sandwich contest?]. He's basically just an inoffensive personality vacuum... who, based on my own informal surveys, isn't actually liked by anyone I've come across, outside of maybe his parents... one of whom, Brian Mulroney, was an equally ineffectual, processed cheese slice of a Prime Minister for Canada.)

.... point is, everybody knows of some tv personality that fits this description.

When I meet with industry people about what it means to make a transparent and collaborative show, there's always a lot of explanation... what it means to not build the set, until you've had people participate in the design process (nobody's done it before.. so, it takes some 'splainin).... or, what it means to have participation in the process of 'making the host' (... it makes it sound like some "Mr. Potato Head" meets "Guess Who" game, where people vote on whether the host should have a moustache).

I always describe listening to this Stephen Colbert in-store interview, and hearing him talk [about 35:30 in] about putting together the 'character' of Stephen Colbert for the show... how he became this amalgam of all these various 'talking heads' and tv news personalities, and what parts of the look, the attitude and the delivery of this guy (all the way down to his Anderson Cooper-eque 'perfectly-polished coin', side-parted 'hairdo')... came from which inspirations.

In the least 'behind the curtain in the lipo clinic', reality train-wreck, sense possible..... there's a unique circumstance with being able to tailor-make a personality for a tv show... just like the unique circumstance with making a show like "Let's Make Politics!"

We live in a time where we can decide. We can shape things.

Should our host have a thick, lustrous head of hair? Is it important? Is it necessary? What's lost and what's gained?

I've read statistics ('cause, I was looking for them)..... that say that guys who are bald or balding have more sex and more success than guys with the thick, healthy head of hair.

Why...? Well, the argument goes... the bald guy is trying harder.... he's developing his pecs or his personality..... or maybe he's just working on his chloroform technique.

There are bald douche bags, sure....

Lex Luthor lost his hair in a lab accident and became a criminal mastermind.... but, let's not fixate on the criminal part and gloss over the mastermind bit.

Bloefeld, from the Bond films, had to watch James Bond knee-deep in pussy.... while the closest he got was the white, fluffy, persian thing purring in his lap.

... but still, it seems like the real douche bags.... the non-fictional ones.... are of the other variety.

..... ...... .........

..... I mean, just look at those men.... a veritable 'murderer's row' of history's greatest monsters. Empires of success built on rivers of blood and tears... that they must've then synthesized into a fantastic leave-in conditioner and protein pack.

The truth is... none of these things are cut n' towel-dried.

I haven't lost all my precious hair... yet.... and still (other than the one random homeless person I stab in the eye every week to quiet the demon monkeys in my brain), I consider myself a compassionate, engaged and well-rounded person.

Either way.... (if you watch the linked vids) we're not gonna stand, arms akimbo, and stop a cure for baldness.

We'd be stupid to try.

But.... what might seem an obvious or ridiculous question to ask..... should be asked... and, explored. That's what we're gonna do on "Let's Make Politics!"

So.... do you want to be bald?

Or..... do you wanna be a 'hairdo'?

Think... before you answer.

The Shawshank Poo Pipe

(For those of you just joining us.... we are making a show... and a website... and a podcast... called "Let's Make Politics!". This blog is where we explore that process...)

Oooh, folks....!

There is no part of the process of making anything on-camera... more exciting.... more invigorating... more fun.... than the 'camera test.'

For those of you who want some insight into the process... I'd suggest dry-shaving your balls with a straight razor... and then, sitting yourself down for a spell in a bucket of grain alcohol.

There was a time in the not too distant past where, I went through the looong process of 'testing' to be a music VJ at Canada's 'MuchMusic' Television.

Our great nation's answer to America's own Music Television (or, 'Mtv', if you prefer...) and, our most trusted delivery platform for pointless group squealings, repetitive hip-hop 'watch waving' and 'hardcore' teen rock bands jumping up-and-down in unison.

Now.... you may be saying to yourself.... but, Ty... I have now read some of your stuff. And, though I'm not 100% sure of anything.... you don't strike me as 'technically' retarded.

Well, would it surprise you to learn that, Dustin Hoffman in "Rainman"... not actually retarded. He was, in fact, just pretending to be retarded..... he was 'acting'.

I applied a similar approach to the audition process for 'Much', and their 'VH1'-like, sister station 'MuchMoreMusic'.

At minimum, I thought it'd yield some sympathy applause and a participation ribbon... like whenever Corky from Life Goes On (TV series) would take part in the race or the school play.

(Would it also surprise you to learn that Corky too, may have been faking...?

Today... he's an extremely successful investment banker.

"I just got off the phone with my broker. He said; 'Buy! Buy Potatoes!'"

"Actually, I think he was saying; 'Bye, Bye Potatoes.' I think he was waving goodbye, to some potatoes."

"Look, if anybody knows 'potatoes', it's that little potato-head. Just buy the fuckin' potato futures, and we'll be lighting our farts with lit fifty dollar bills."

.... thankfully, by the way... I do not believe in hell. Otherwise, I'd be going there for sure.)

Sooo.... for my VJ audition/testing process, the producers gave me a list of celebrities to choose from and, I was to write and deliver little nuggets of info... then maybe throw to a video, or something...

(Patton Oswalt's "Best Week Ever" bit from Werewolves & Lollipops [Best Week Never @ 1:50] is a near-perfect illustration of this...)

But, the thing I'd glossed over about 'acting' this VJ part was.... you can't play a 'character', and sit in judgement on them at the same time. Whether you're playing the pedophile, or the 'dick boyfriend'... you have to believe in what you're saying and doing to play that part. At least, to play it well.

So, as I'm riffing on Beyonce's new album...; "She says this is her most personal record so far. And, to prove it.... she's gonna be all over the world promoting it... on her birthday week."

.... behind my eyes, I'm thinking...; "I don't give a fuuuck about this woman's new record. If there is a Jay-Z produced "Crazy In Love"-type track on it... it'll be driven into the ground, in short order, by this very network. And, why the shit does she get a whole 'birthday week'? Am I meant to be lighting candles to commemorate the time she parted the red sea and guided a disco train of dancers across...?"

'Pop'... 'bleed'..... aneurism.

Then, y'know... you go home and... fingers crossed... you get to come back, and get notes for the next round on how you might change your person and your personality..... all based on network executives; possibly watching a focus group who are, in turn, watching you on-screen.

(seeing these The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien - Focus Group bits.... I can't help but notice... 'Conan, we're just a month into your prime time slot and as a friend, I gotta say, you look fat, tired and defeated. Like an old, mohawk-less Mr. T.')

Likewise, in my case this wasn't someone talking about me in costume... 'in character'.

It's not Dustin Hoffman as 'Rainman'. The name that comes up on the bottom of the screen is your own. You are playing you.

But... you find ways around it.

Myself, I went to an Irish pub across from the network building at 11 in the morning, had three stiff shots of whiskey (I actually did do this... :) and, went on-camera proclaiming Lindsay Lohan guilty of witchcraft... like a frightened town elder in an Arthur Miller play.

And then..... I got notes on it.

You remember that bit in "The Shawshank Redemption", when Tim Robbins has to crawl through the prison's poo pipe to gain his freedom? He's got this convict 'shit soup', that he's up to his elbows in.... and, he's vomiting all over himself every ten or twelve yards, as he goes along.... until finally, he drops out into a stream and raises his arms to the sky.... to a cleansing rain storm.

There's a way in which we all do this with big chunks of our lives, saying to ourselves.... 'it's just another step in the process'.... 'a means to an end'.... or, my personal favorite, 'once I'm inside, then I can change things.'

On the other end of our individual 'Shawshank Poo Pipes', we assume.... we hope... there will be a worthwhile destination.

But, if life is 'journey, not destination'.... then we've just spent a good long while, up to our elbows in somebody else's shit, piss and vomit.... in the blind hope that, it's to some greater end.

I'll admit... there's probably a healthier balance to 'enjoying the journey' than mine. (I once amused myself so much with a Starbucks job application, that when I predictably didn't get the job... I went in, to ask the manager for my application to keep as a creative writing sample. :)

You've gotta be able to see the 'end zone', is what I'm saying. It's what motivates you to keep running.

But.... just as importantly... you've gotta recognize it, as something worth running to...

Anyone who writes, or acts, or performs is usually pretty well versed in self-exploration. I know I've crawled up inside my own anus for long stretches..... done some spelunking in my own sphincter.

But.... 'Camera tests' and 'focus groups' aren't about you finding your way out of anything... or, to anywhere that means anything to you.

It's more like, someone 'on the inside' drew you a map of the prison's pipes and air ducts... and, then had them all route back into their asshole.

"Just keep inching forward. I promise, you're getting somewhere. And (in honor of that bullshit 'Richard Gere in the ER with the Gerbil'-story).... the safety word will be 'armageddon'."

I once got a pre-camera test note, that said; "Just be yourself. But, less so."

Honestly, you ask any of these 'focus group' folks... trading their industry-shaping insights for three sandwich halves off a deli platter..... you ask these people what belongs on TV and, they'll give you a list of things that they've seen on TV.

The bloggers and the podcasters are left to elbow out their personal space... by being absolutely personal. By being themselves... but, more so.

This John Gruber & Merlin Mann Blogging Panel contains many insights into making something significant and personal.... but, the most pertinent one to this process of 'testing'/'focus groups' is that you can't follow someone else's trail and expect to get somewhere new... or noteworthy.

That time is gone.... those circumstances are gone..... that way of thinking, of doing things, is dead.... those old people in the Conan O'Brien sketch are (only a month later) quite possibly, dead.

Either way.... I'll be damned, if I'm gonna travel that hard road.... through my own 'Shawshank Poo Pipe'... only to crawl up inside their aging assholes... and, think I'm getting somewhere.

It's gonna be.... awesome!

The Future Is Awesome.

If there was gonna be a subtitle to "Let's Make Politics!", that'd be it.

I know I said it 'gives me the shits', but... if I absolutely had to do the 'tv pitch line' for "Let's Make Politics!" it'd be; "Real Time With Bill Maher" meets "The 'awesome-ness' of the future". (I know the second bit's not a show... yet.... that's the point. ;)

A couple months back, Google had its best and brightest legal minds argue against Canada's 'web blocking and throttling' (basically, letting government dicks and service providers apply 'old media' rules to 'dick-tate' what you can and can't access on-line)... and, Google's argument was that no regulation is 'the best way to keep the internet awesome.'

(This Search Engine | CBC Radio | Does CanCon have a digital future? podcast... and, all its archived episodes.. was an insight into the future of the internet in Canada.... made all the more fascinating by the fact that it was on CBC, paid for by those same govt dicks and, ultimately, killed by the CBC.... before eventually finding a new home, under-the-radar, on TVO; Search Engine. :)

Well... all this policy shite aside... this is important to you because, it's gonna determine what you get to see and hear in the future.

The Google guys chose the word 'awesome', not just 'cause it's a "Googly thing to say" but, because 'awesome' speaks to the present and future; the exciting, 'awesome-ness' of what's out there now, and the wonder and 'awe' of what will be.

For a little more future perspective, I turn again to Kevin Kelly; YouTube - Kevin Kelly - "Web 3.0" (... see my previous post on "True Fans" for more Kelly)... and, remind all of you web fanatics that... we ain't seen nothin yet.

That 'near future' of the net, never fails to set my imagination alight.

To me, the future is exciting and hopeful.

It is gonna be... 'awesome'!

And, it's this 'awesome' future we should be discussing, designing and planning for...

"Let's Make Politics!" (the show, the website, the podcast.... eventually, the matching lunch box and thermos)... is all about the world just over the horizon.

As I've mentioned... I got asked, months ago by the tv execs, to come up with a 'Canadian Daily Show'.

Now, I understood.... and, hoped they did too.... that they wanted that audience, not that show.

(as I've discussed, we already get "The Daily Show" here in Canada. We don't need a pale imitation.... I wouldn't watch that. Sorry, "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" but, if I have access to the original, and so much more, why would I watch you?)

The Canadian tv execs want the coveted 'youth demo'. (And, the 'youth demo' isn't even turning on their tv's. I know, I don't much anymore.)

Someone told me the other day that today's 'youth' (kids in school, or in their parents basements) are, more frequently than any previous generation, experiencing panic and/or anxiety attacks.

They see these pictures and stories, tv and films on the state of the economy, the state of the planet.... the crowding and the competition... plus, you've got your various global holy wars and the looming "Day After Tomorrow" weather apocalypse.

It's a shit show... there's no denying.

It can get so daunting that... if you let it.... it'll freak you the fuck out.

(By the way.... every kid in school is now made to watch these global warming crisis docs, and make no mistake, you can't just bury your head in the sand with this stuff, I think people should see "An Inconvenient Truth"..... but, as you watch your world fall apart around you... that's not 'hope' it's filling your pants with, y'know.

"Alright kids, that's the bell.... we'll pick up from right where the planet was visibly dying, next class... now, head on down to 'home ec'. Mr. Chirelli's gonna teach you how to hollow out a grapefruit... 'cause, god knows we might not have them for much longer."

... when my junior high teacher didn't feel like talking to us... mornings after a particularly bad bender, say.... she'd just wheel in the tv/vcr and pop in a copy of "Wildcats" with Goldie Hawn or, maybe "The Outsiders" [presumably to teach us about teen heart-throbs, leather jackets and 'dreaminess'?]... then, she'd lean back in her chair; "Watch the goddamn movie, don't talk to each other or pull any shit. And if you need me, I'll be just underneath this cold, damp cloth.")

When I was growing up.... whenever people talked about the future it was always the 'long lens' view... the distant future.

"Dude... fuckin' rocket shoes!", my buddy would say to me, reading some 'World of Tomorrow' magazine, "Everybody's gonna have rocket shoes. Personal spaceships. Maybe a laser sword or laser gun. And, lots of sex with hologram ladies..... and, those chicks won't say 'no' to anything"... he'd grin... not having heard about, let alone experienced, most of these unspeakably dirty 'things'.

"Usually, we'd have to go to Eastern Europe to try a 'Mexican Sticky Bun' (... a nearly self-explanatory sex act, he'd just made up....) The future is gonna be awesome!"; we agreed.

And, even if we didn't know what that meant... we knew we were right.

Now, as a 'grown-up' (... playin' pretty fast and loose with that term)... what gets me excited?

Well.... since the 'Mexican Sticky Bun' is off the table... this is what gets me going....

YouTube - TED sixth sense technology

and, this...

YouTube - JoAnn Kuchera-Morin: Tour the AlloSphere

and, this...

CBC Radio: The Best of Ideas|Singularity Episode

(... I could, and probably will, do a whole fuckin' aria on Ray Kurzweil.... but, if you can wade through some of the 'egg-head speak'... I promise, this will set your mind on fire!)

I got some e-mail feedback recently, saying; "... if you want more followers, you should think about dumbing this down."

Well, first off.... I don't want followers.... nearly, as much as I want contributors and collaborators.

Second.... the future is 'up'. (not the pixar movie.... 'cause, animated miscarriages aren't exactly hopeful, no matter how many colorful balloons you tie to them.)

The future is 'smartening up', so to speak..... that's where the awesome is.

It's 'lightning and hope in a bottle'.... that'll snap you out of a tailspin of depression.

In my second post for this thing, I made fun of the kind of people who are so upset over a new Transformers movie.... or, how the George Lucas's of the biz keep pissing all over their previously beloved franchises.... the 'raping my childhood' moaners.

They prattle on about how they'd 'throttle' Michael Bay if they saw him on the street... or, run up and punch George Lucas square in the face.

(BlizzCon 2008: Patton Oswalt's closing ceremony; says it better than I possibly could.)

Those big blockbusters are always 'dumbed down'.... but, they don't make me upset. They're designed to let you switch your head off.... to make the world go away for two to three hours. (Have you noticed? They're getting longer, as they're getting shittier..)

But, then you walk out of the summer blockbuster... and the world's hot, shitty reality is the one to run up and kick you square in the nuts.

I'll be the first to admit that some of these 'imagination sparking' inventors, thinkers and futurists aren't always captivating speakers..... maybe, they spent the better part of their lives in a lab or a library.... those kinda folks aren't built to be on-stage, nor on-camera.

But.... what they lack in computer-generated fire ants and robot cock-fights..... they more than make up for in... leaving you with an idea that's hopeful.

An idea, or a concept, that'll set your imagination abuzz for days... nay, weeks.... with its possibilities.

A vision of a future that will be better.... that can't help but... be better.

A future where we might someday have our rocket shoes.... our personal spaceships, and.... assuming both parties are consenting adults.... 'Mexican Sticky Buns' for all!!

"Rabbit ears, am I starting to get to you?"

(.... we are making a new kind of engaging and collaborative tv show, here in Toronto, Canada, called; "Let's Make Politics!" This is where we explore that process...)

I was raised on TV in Canada... if not, actually, raised by. (Kidding, mom. You left my math fundamentals in Cookie Monster's able and furry little hands, and who could blame you really. :)

I did though, revere television.

Worshipping at its altar as a boy.... I assumed it to be a 'god box', and accordingly, I lay offerings of ketchup chips and obscenely large bowls of cereal at the feet of its 'tv-stand throne' everyday.

But alas, I was just a boy and, knowing no better, I ate those offerings.... I slurped down the last few honey-nut cheerios with the remaining dirty, honeyed milk from the huge bowl... I shook out the remnants of crumbled chip bits and licked my fingers clean of the salt, sugar and, whatever that red shit is...

I angered the 'god box'.

It said... with the booming voice of a volume knob cranked to the hilt..; "You little dicknose. You don't know how good you've got it. 'SCTV'... 'Kids In The Hall'... 'the first few years of Degrassi, with the bad skin and the shoplifting n' such.'

You... live in Toronto.

But, maybe you'd prefer to rely on whatever 'original programs' waft up from Buffalo TV.

How 'bout 'Buffalo Junior High'...huh? Would you like that?

We follow a new kid through another bleak day at Tonnawanda Junior High. There's a brown out on his block, and he's reduced to a breakfast of uncooked toaster strudel today. And come lunch, they're out of blue cheese dipping sauce for the hot wings in the cafeteria. And his after-school job, folding golf shirts at the outlet mall across the street is making him winded.... until, like the end of every episode... the boy, or girl, come to the horrible realization that they actually do live in Buffalo... and kill themselves. Every weekday at 6."

It was... at least... true that the TV box did hold all the power then.

And I didn't heed its warnings, when it said; "I will reign fire and brimstone and 'Beachcombers' and 'Danger Bay'... on all of your houses!!"

(For those of you who don't know.... "The Beachcombers" was a show about a greek-immigrant, log salvager trolling the Vancouver coastline for... wait for it.... drifting logs. And sometimes, bad men might try to poach his logs... but, I assure you, he was having none of it. (The Beachcombers - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) It ran for almost 20 years, and 387 episodes...! That, my friends, is a lotta logs.

"Danger Bay" (also a government-financed, CBC production) was a rollicking adventure show about a kick-ass veterinarian/conservationist... YouTube - DANGER BAY canadian adventure series.)

Well.... thanks to my youthful indiscretion..... what, ultimately, became of TV in Canada, you may ask...?

Okay.... you do have your "Trailer Park Boys"..... your "Kenny Vs. Spenny".... your "Slings And Arrows"..... your "Littlest Hobos" (... that dog did change the course of my life, as it for did so many other kind-hearted drifters and hitchhikers.)

There are little 'hidden gems' in the media landscape of every country.

"The Thick Of It", for example, may just be the best british television show, you've never seen. It's like seeing what Ricky Gervais did with 'The Office', before you knew what that was.

YouTube - The Thick of It - Episode 1 - Part 1 of 3

('hey tv... here's something you can't do. You've never shown me this. And as such, to 'deeperwell42' and your ilk.... I say, thank you. You are truly providing a public service.')

But.... I guess, my broader question is... why don't we do that?

We Canadians modeled our 'state-financed' CBC on their BBC....

but, it's not just that it's creating "The Thick Of It".... or, "The Office".... or, "Da Ali G Show"... or ,"Little Britain"....

... it's that they seem to create them... from their own experimental radio properties. (Sure, you knew Monty Python grew out of radio.... and, Peter Sellers from "The Goon Show".... but, did you know about "The 11 O'Clock Show", which co-starred Ricky Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen?)

The BBC churns out novel shows like the brilliant, genre-bending "Spaced"...YouTube - Spaced - 1.1.1

... or, the beyond brilliant and innovative P.O.V. series, "Peep Show"... YouTube - Peep Show S01E01 P01 (... six seasons now... and still going strong.)..

..... or, how about this collection of scenes from "Snuff Box" on BBC, with Matt Berry.....YouTube - Snuff Box - Boyfriend Scenes.... and, as you giggle uncontrollably and press repeat, remember, british tax payers helped make that.

What do you wanna help make?

In contrast (and this, in all fairness, does not all fall on CBC)..... we, in Canada, have aired such can't miss tv properties as..... "Beetlegeuse - The Series", "Funny Farm - The Series", "RoboCop - The Series", "La Femme Nikita - The Series", "F/X - The Series", "Total Recall - The Series", "Friday The 13th - The Series", "Stargate - The Series", "Stargate: Atlantis - The Series", "So You Think You Can Dance, Canada", "Canada's Next Top Model", "Canadian Idol"..... are you noticing a theme? Would you like me to stop? Do you repent?!

.... imagine, for a moment, that you had an older brother, and he was 'king shit' in high school. I mean, he absolutely 'owned' that place. We'll call him... 'United States Of America'.

And so, seeing all of this play out.... you decide to wear all his hand-me-down clothing, as you enter that very same school behind him.... thinking, well, this'll be easy... wearing big brother's Varsity jacket... his musk still lingering. There's no way this isn't just a never-ending procession of stink-fingering impressionable teen girls, and bathroom blow-jobs and hallway high-fives!

But instead.... the clothes don't fit you quite right. In fact, they hang off your slight frame in such a way as to make you look.... quite ridiculous.

Girls that you thought you'd be fingering, are instead giving you the finger from across the cafeteria.

They sit at the 'cool kids table'.... you, at the 'freak table' with the foreign tv children. The eager, smiley german talk show host that everybody assumes to be retarded.... the fat, slutty mexican 'telemundo' chick that offered to show you her already sagging boobs for two dollars, or a bus token.... and the indistinct oriental kid whose name nobody knows but, once drank a whole bottle of someone else's urine for no reason at all.

And, many, many years from then.... when you've moved out of the city and onto a house boat with a long-haired and feminine native boy.... and, you're scavenging for driftwood and logs ;)... will you ask yourself why you didn't try to carve out your own unique place and presence in the world?

Why you couldn't have made due with a smaller budget and less gloss.... to make something they could not.... would not... or did not make before?

... it's words, y'see?

That's why all that brit comedy genius... comes out of radio. It's language and words.

They don't cost you more money.... just the time and effort.

Isn't that what you were supposed to be developing as the 'skinny, younger brother', anyway?

You were never gonna look like your older brother, "U. S. of A." You could only look foolish for trying.

So now, as you drift down the pacific coast...... while 'Mincing Cloud', your native houseboat man-servant, sands the bunions off your feet against the endless, burnt orange sunset.... will you ask yourself why you couldn't just.... let floating logs lie?

Oh, you do go on...

(.... if you're joining us in progress... we're makin' a show, called; "Let's Make Politics!"... this is where we explore the process of makin' it.)

I can say.... without weirdness or embitterment.... that my parent's favorite person to talk to is my niece Lola.

My niece Lola is four years-old.

Like every proud and doting grandparents, they think everything she does and says is precious and profound.

(I know I'm toeing the water on a Louis CK routine.... so, I'll say... check out as much of his on-line stuff as you can....

YouTube - Louis C.K. - Having Kids

.... then rent "Shameless" and "Chewed Up". Louis CK is the best and most prolific working comedian, I know of right now...... maybe, Patton Oswalt.)

Anyhoo, I watch my parents listen to this four year-old child as if she's a tiny little Buddha.

They make out like everything that comes out of this kid's face is a carefully considered and crafted haiku.

Like it's the distillation of all knowledge into a single sentence.

When really, it's just some bullshit statement. Some nonsense words strung together about mailboxes, or something.

Also... not to nitpick.... but, she doesn't even pronounce words properly or have any sense of timing. She's just not a good storyteller. She's not funny or wise.

She is a four year-old kid.

And yet, my parents hang on her words... they relate them to their friends over dinner.... they put them in e-mails that travel over oceans, relaying how their four year-old granddaughter, said; "It's okay, if old people don't wanna climb trees."

What does that even mean?!

Nothing.

And... if I do laugh at that... I'm laughing at her.. not with her.

In contrast..... my dad doesn't listen to the end of my phone messages... if he listens at all.

He won't read a long e-mail. In fact, he resents it.... like someone snuck a 'trojan horse' virus into his computer box to steal minutes of his life.

His time is precious..... like it's precious for all of us.

But... the thing is.... some things cannot, and should not, be distilled down to 140 characters or less.

Not everything can be made into a fuckin' haiku! It just can't.

I'm getting feedback (people don't seem to wanna post comments but, instead send an e-mail. Which is cool, I think. More personal, for sure.)... and people seem to be saying... could you distill the essence of your blog.... your show.... your idea.... into one or two sentences.

That's entertainment pitch 101 right there. It's this meets this.

That's something I know well...; "It's like 'True Blood' meets 'bitchy, teen high-school show'. It's about a teenage vampire with tourette's. It's called 'Suck You!'"

"Well.... you did go on a little long. I glanced at the clock about ten characters into your sentence but... on the other hand, you had me at bitchy teen. Sold! Let's make this thing!"

Okay.... I do understand the value in being pithy and brief..... but, I also believe true value comes in exploring something, and getting into all the 'stuff'.... the meat and the bones and the nuance... all of which comes in excess of those 140 characters.

Now.... that's not to slag twitter. But, you could be the best twitterer in the world. The biggest and most accomplished twat in all the land.

There's just stuff you're not gonna be able to explore. And, places you won't be able to go.

(For example.... you can't do this...

YouTube - Patton Oswalt - Stella Dora Breakfast Treats

or this...

YouTube - Patton Oswalt Black Angus Steak Video

or this....

YouTube - Patton Oswalt on Cops

.... one second. Just wiping tears of laughter. Seen it more times than my reflection... still hurts my body with the convulsions of laughter.)

Now, if you don't want the work of reading the whole story or the long form argument.... that's cool. Be unengaged.... see if I care. ;)

But, I promise you.... for every budding Lao Tzu on twitter out there. There's a whole lot of twats talking about 'seniors climbing trees', or some such idiocy.

Lola's excuse is she's fuckin' four! (And, obviously, not very bright or worldly.)

What's yours, ladiesman202?

Solipsism... and "True Fans"

The other day I was waiting for my table at a restaurant where I was going to be having a meeting about this show. (... did I mention we're makin' a show called; "Let's Make Politics!"?)

(The lunch meeting is the preferred 'casual meet' setting for entertainment industry types. It cloaks the general disinterest in what the other person might be saying in; distracting sparkly light off sunglasses and flatware... pretty people, colors and motion churning all around... and, a cacophony of strange conversations you can lose yourself in. It's perfect.)

So.... as I'm waiting for my table, this guy walks up to me and proceeds to remind me of when we'd recently met... 'friend of a friend'... 'we talked about..'. He starts up a conversation about our previous conversation. Good times, I'm told.

All the while, stood beside him is a young girl in a yellow sundress. She's very cute (I think to myself).... and, she's listening to her ipod and texting, all at once.

While me and my new line-up buddy talked and laughed... this girl didn't pick up her head. Not once. Not for a second.

I was... crest-fallen.

I've lost it, I thought to myself.

I'm 31 years old and... completely out of mojo. This is just the moment I realize it, I guess.

Although, the transition into 'track pants for all occasions-guy' might be kinda fun... as, I'd instantly decided I was gonna age as the guy who buys all the new, high-tech, work-out clothes but, never goes to the gym. Just, starch-heavy brunches everyday but, in the newest ventilated, sweat-wicking, futuristic looking, exercise outfit.

Then, my new friend, finally, introduced me to Chloe... his 14 year-old daughter.

I know... I know.... fathers, lock up your daughters, Ty's here for French Toast in his Nike dry-fit gear.

(I never understood why the fathers should lock up the daughters, by the way? Wouldn't a better plan be to focus on putting the dangerous perverts and pederasts under lock n' key?)

The point is.. while I was feeling horrible about leering at this girl like an old Nabakov character.... her Dad was telling me how she'd just found a podcast of her favorite band and, was texting her friends to tell them where to download it for free.

She's solipsistic, this girl. I mean... she's alive and fourteen (shaking head) and so, she's solipsistic in the same way everybody is.

Solipsistic is just a pretty way of saying; she thinks the world revolves around her. Like, the earth revolves around the sun... everything and everyone is just a satellite in her orbit.

Everybody you meet is a supporting character in the book of you... and, when they exit your life, they cease to exist.

I'll admit, I'm like this. I think most everyone is fundamentally like this.

We walk around in our pod-person stupors... bumping into each other on crowded streets, 'cause this bubble of personalized music, media, messages and your entire universe of friends at your finger-tips, all protects us from feeling like the ants we sometimes are.

This girl... was all consumed in her world. And, in her world.... the band 'Blitzen Trapper' is more important than me.... or anything or anyone around her.

We have that in common, actually. Making it all the more sad and bittersweet that we will never be... her, a saucy little lolita, flirting at me through the top of her hair... and myself, evidently, the creepiest man alive.

She is a 'true fan' of this band, 'Blitzen Trapper'. And, a 'true fan' loves the thing they love so much, they can't help but want to spread the word. They become like Jehovah's witnesses for this thing.

The concept of 'true fan-dom' is best explained by media smart-y Kevin Kelly, here in his transparent, collaborative, open- source book; "The Technium" (more on that awesomeness, another day but, this is really worth the read...)

The Technium: 1,000 True Fans

Then.... her dad dropped the bomb.

See.... in our previous conversation, apparently... I had been talking about my favorite websites n' podcasts n' such.... so, I brought up "The Sound of Young America" (you might remember it from such previous posts as... my second one... "Please, Don't Take It Personal.")

That's right..... ka-fuckin'-boom. I had mentioned this podcast to this guy at some event.... through the lens of 'check out my blog.... making this show.... bounce words off your un-important face'.

And, though he totally took credit for the discovery with his daughter... it added value to her life 'cause it hit on something immensely personal... and, became part of her world. So now, in that universe, she was spreading the message of "The Sound Of Young America"... like, I was in my own.

Oh..... the delicious irony..... that, I was viewing this man as just another supporting character in the book of me.... that, when he left I assumed he went back into the break-room to have a coffee and wait for when they needed him for another cameo in my 'Truman Show'.... that, I was still bothered by her ignoring me after he told me she was his 14 year-old daughter, yet I'm free to walk the streets and eat in public places.

All succulent morsels of irony.

What that exposure to this 'cool thing' had bought her father was enough points to have her come out to lunch. (It would seem more 'cool Dad' points would be needed for actual public interaction. Had he booked the band for a private backyard concert... she would've feigned interest in him and his friends, maybe.)

And....... though, of course, we can never be.

As society and schoolchildren would surely shoot judgements and sneer at her..... and I would, quite rightly, go to prison....

Had she known.... maybe we could've talked about 'Fleet Foxes', 'My Morning Jacket', or a ka-zillion cool indie bands...

And, maybe I could've found... through her, or a person in her universe.... a 'true fan' of "Let's Make Politics!". And, others who cared and were invested in helping build this show.... this movement.

And, just maybe..... I could've been the creepy guy who sits out in the school parking lot in his jeep... sitting on his hood in his break-away warm-up suit.... blaring the new 'Vampire Weekend'... carb-loading on handfuls of flap-jacks... while manifesting an appropriately douche-y moustache.

And, who doesn't want to go to prom with that guy?

(shaking head.... feeling shame.... giggling to myself)

Ignore Everybody

Sometimes you read a review of something that says; "This book (or film, or record, or whatever) will change your life."..... and then, you factor in the bought quotes and the bullshit statements.... the culture of hyperbole we live in.

Well, as something of a connoisseur of these things, I can say without any exaggeration...... this book actually will change your life.... and, add 1 to 4 inches to your wiener.

What I'm saying is "Ignore Everybody.... And 39 Other Keys To Creativity" by Hugh MacLeod is the best book on making anything, I've read.

Amazon.com: Ignore Everybody: and 39 Other Keys to Creativity: Hugh MacLeod: Books

The book is, I believe, the first chapter in his 'anti-social hermit' trilogy... to be followed by "Talk Loudly To Yourself" and "Make Erratic, Violent Arm Gestures".

It all started as a long-form blog about his personal experience, called; "gapingvoid.com".... that's pretty cool in it's own right.

gapingvoid: "cartoons drawn on the back of business cards"

In making "Let's Make Politics!", I want to share all my influences and ideas. All the 'building blocks'.

Well, this is like the concrete you pour for the foundation

I mean, really, we're all making something these days (... besides this show).

This... is the perfect distillation of what to keep in mind to make something personal.

This... is my gift to you.