"Fuck... those Subway... monkeys.
The monkeys selling Subway sandwiches on tv...
Fuck... those dudes.
Now, I already know what you're gonna say.
He's saying 'fuck' right out of the gate, to demonstrate that he can say 'fuck' any time he wants, safely hidden behind his cartoon monkey mask.
No....
No, actually, it's because... what the fuck do monkeys have to do with submarine sandwiches?
Not... a fucking... thing.
Monkeys.
Midgets.
People with scottish accents.
They are comedic crutches.
And, that's fine.
It is.
Scottish people are, very often, delightfully profane and, in addition to the attention that comes from being in front of a camera, I'm sure they very much appreciate the exposure to direct light.. at a high wattage.
Midgets, likewise, can speak up for themselves.
They can take issue when they feel they're being taken advantage of 'in the media'. They're well within their rights to get litigious about it.... take somebody to court.
As I understand it... that's what the 'Lollypop Guild' is there for.
But, monkeys... cannot speak for themselves.
I know what you're gonna say.... there was that one monkey who they taught sign language, and had a pet kitty.
Koko was her name, and it was generally concluded, within the monkey community, that Koko was functionally retarded.
She spoke like a five-year-old, mostly only to request gifts for her kitty, and she had very soft hugs.
Koko is the gorilla equivalent of Lenny from "Mice & Men".
Not your ideal emissary.
See....... we are... all of us... monkeys.
That's what I'm reminded of, every time I see the YouTube video of that guy in his living room doing the shirtless, 12-minute, extended concert-edition, air-drum routine to Metallica's "Enter Sandman".
He's got every head bob.
Every mullet whip.
Every cymbal crash.
Twelve minutes.
Dude.... even we monkeys... have evolved past that shit.
So... stop it.
And.... put on a shirt.
You're embarrassing your species."
...... the host shares a rant... maybe, a video he needs to comment on... some new on-line phenomena.... some 'real world' phenomena..... some pics... a song.... any and all of the things someone would pour into a blog post.(... any and all the things, he couldn't or wouldn't say into a webcam; see the 'fear of judgement' jag in Dance, Monkey, Dance.)
... then, he swivels in his cartoon chair... looks down his cartoon desk... to another monkey correspondent....
y'see.... outside of the host(... our one constant)... the rest of the participants are all of you..(... though, we're toying with the idea of a recurring female co-host.)
.... it's an infinite sea of potential monkey commentators and correspondents....
..... 'LonelyGirl027' records and submits.... or just phones in... her rant on internet dating...
LonelyGirl027
"Okay, I'm new to dating on-line but, I have had a boyfriend.
A real-life... flesh and blood... boyfriend.
And, like me.... he was a pretty big dork.
So... when I met this guy, on a dating site, I actually knew that his user name; "Lion-O", was a reference to a kid's cartoon called 'Thundercats'.
I actually thought, it was kinda cute.
And... in the process of getting to know each other.... I asked him for pictures.
Pics of him.. of where he lived... of his car... whatnot.
What I got.... were 'screen captures'.
Shots of a half-lion, half-man... virtual character.
Shots of a cat-themed.. 'land speeder'... he'd built.
Shots of his 'Cat Lair'..... but, mostly the control room... and the training room... where he 'spends most of his time'.
Now.... like I said... I'm a dork.
I like geek-y shit.
But... I know enough to not show up to a first date with my elf ears and a sword.
I know enough to only spend my time in 'Second Life', when I've established a first one.
And.... even if "Lion-O" spent that same amount of time and energy.. creating a virtual penis.
I can, virtually, guarantee no one will ever touch it."
..... all of this is coming out of the mouth of LonelyGirl027's very own, custom-made, cartoon monkey face....
(.... those avatar builders... the South Park Studios one... that Create Your Own Simpsons Character... are fun but, this is where we truly make something, together.)
.... it's an animated avatar face that's built on and around her voice... and supplemented with pics she sent in(... or those we've fished off the net)... maybe, clips of a 'Thundercats' video... audio of the 'theme music'.... all the multi-media you might pour into a blog post....
...... then.... when we've shared a few laughs... a few monkey rants.... things we think are awesome and the things we think are awesomely retarded, both...
..... the screen jumps and blips... flashes of snow.... color bars... and.... the host of "Let's Make Politics!" finishes the segment from where we started.... back in studio..;
STUDIO HOST
"... so, I for one say.... it's about time with the Sexbots.
I can't afford to keep spending this much money on 'screen cleaners' and the mini Wet-Dry vac for my keyboard...
That thing doesn't work at all...
You think your space bar sticks sometimes...
Try making love to a titanium Power Book.
She is a... cold... ungenerous lover.
But, I'm sure... Canada.... I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
We'll be back with 'music for deaf people'... after this."
We go to commercial... never skipping a beat.
(...the 'music for deaf people' stuff is from a CBC 'Spark' podcast on Music and Tech [@ around 15:00 in] ... some really interesting shit.)
See... it's all happening within the framework of the show....
(.... I should point out.... though I used it to demonstrate.... we'll also be doing that whole 'Sexbot' story. I honestly can't tell you how much I wanna roll up my sleeves and get into the future of sex with robots.... that's what "Let's Make Politics!" is about.... that's the show.... in a nutshell. :)
.... it's all part of the bigger, broader "Let's Make Politics!" show.... but, we 'break in' to contribute to the cultural conversation from behind our 'monkey masks'....
That's "Dance, Monkey, Dance".
That's the collaborative hook.(... that's 'collaboration', by the way. I take something(s) you gave me.... and, I make it better.... 'add value' to it. A "Comedy Network" asking for your videos to show on their airwaves... isn't technically making something together.)
WE are making a multi-media cartoon commentary... together.
WE are 'taking back the airwaves'.
WE are pirates.... 'monkeying with the signal'.
WE are an infinite sea of potential monkey commentators.... commenting on an infinite sea of dancing monkeys.... and, as I stressed last post, that's a snake that's never gonna stop chasing and eating it's tail.
So....... if you.... or, anyone you know.... have always dreamt of voicing a recurring cartoon character on a tv show (.... and, I'd bet my boots that an almost infinite sea of hands just shot up).... then I want you to contact me at tygrierson@rogers.com..... you can find it through the blog, too........ ( I'm not looking for Mel Blanc here.... but, I bet you... amongst all the guys and girls in the english-speaking world.... I bet I find another genius like him.)
Take a look at the Host rant(... for the fellas) and the LonelyGirl027 rant(... ladies)..... and, see if you or, someone you know... wants to take a shot at recording and submitting it for consideration.(.. and, 'make it your own'..... I mean, I personally think you'd be an idiot to mess with my beautiful words... but... make it your own. ;)
Spread this to anyone you can think of(... who might know anyone they can think of.... etc, etc.)... and, we'll see if we can find our voices...
WE are 'taking back the airwaves'.
WE are making a show together.
... HIGH FIVE!!
Dude,
ReplyDeleteFuck the man.
Pirates are so now!
I'm still trying to find my voice so let's give it a go.
Just some random thoughts by me.