Submit and Release.... to Dicks In Your Ear

(... it occurs to me... never having blogged before.... you've gotta re-set this thing with every post...

especially when it's not.... "Meh. My take on the new Star Trek franchise.... blah, blah, kinetic energy....blah, time paradox.... blah, blah, 'unrealistic' phaser noise!... blah, Kirk vs. Picard.... blah, blah, picture of me and my cat dressed as Kirk and Spock from two Halloweens past."

'click'... publish; "You are welcome, world-at-large."

apparently, it's gonna require saying repeatedly.... but, this is not that.

For one thing, I would never publish that picture of me and my cat. It would immediately cheapen it.

This ain't a book... is what I'm getting at. You don't start at chapter one... you start chapter 8.. chapter 28... chapter 'whatever-the-hell you're reading right now at top of the page and working your way down'.

So, the obvious solution is... pre-produced video montages. I've now got them in production for each post. Y'know, "Previously On 'Let's Make Politics!'.... dicks in ears.... polished turds... and, making a tv show transparently."

I'll say it again.... We are making a tv show called; "Let's Make Politics!"... and transparently, exploring that process through this blog... and, the website to come....)

It's funny to me that the feedback I'm getting has people falling into one of two camps...

People outside the industry.... those not in the 'biz'... seem to be saying; "I like it. I think I get it. I'm at least willing to ride along to see where it's going but.... can we cut down on the dicks and all the dick-related business. Dicks going in ears? Just a few too many dicks, for my taste."

(first off... anyone who's ever taken a "penis cookery" class knows, you can't measure dick content by taste. That's lesson one... rest your flacid penis on a large wooden spoon, now sip to taste. Can't do it... can you?)

In contrast... people in the industry, or an industry like it, seem to say; "More dicks! Way more dicks! Not nearly enough dicks! Enough 'gilding the lilly'. No more parsing your words! Hey... how about fisting as a metaphor?!"

Alright then.... strap in, motherfuckers! It's about to get real.

At least... the following is a real story.

One of my first ever 'tv meetings'.... and with a development executive, no less. (Think of the 'royal taster' in an old medieval kingdom . He tastes the food before the king and queen. Decides if it's even gonna make it out onto the table.

And, that's a not a job for the faint of heart. You don't wanna be the guy who served up the sitcom at the royal feast... that gives everybody at the head table the shits for a week.)

Not to pigeon hole but, this dude was absolutely Ben Stiller in "Reality Bites". The 'retro' action figures scattered around his office advertised that he not only knew who "Johnny Quest" was.... but, that he spent his lunch hours playing out their adventures, as all the characters and, might ultimately, have the mental capacity of an eleven-year old.

As he got up from his desk to greet me, his shirt wasn't even buttoned all the way to the top....?! That, and his complex, urban hand-greeting told me this guy might be different. A new breed. Playing by his own rules... if any at all.

As we sat, I specifically remember him offering me; "Some star-fruit...? (I'd never heard of it before)... a yoo-hoo with a crazy straw... or... (holding out a jar).... a handful of nerds candies?"

I'll say this for him... he was unapologetic... and, that kinda made him cool. In the same way, you might secretly envy the mentally challenged kid with the pituitary problem, proudly boarding the school bus every day in a football jersey two sizes too small.

That kind of cool.

So... after nerve-wrackingly nailing the pitch for my original tv series pilot (... that, by the way, only came into being, by way of a two-year siege of scrapped drafts, stops and starts, open weeping... and, basically sequestering myself away, like the old man in the tower in "Braveheart".)

I finished, and caught my breath, so as he wouldn't notice... and, I'm thinkin' it went pretty well. I'm frankly feelin' pretty good.

And, he leans back in his chair.... this open-collared power player leans and presses his double-barreled finger gun to his lips and says; "I like it. I do. I like it but.... now tell me why we should let you do your idea.

.... why we should let you do your idea...?"

This is like saying; "Ok, you've come to me, hat-in-hand, with this thing you'd like to sell me. And, you've made a convincing argument...... now, make your case for why I shouldn't fuck you in the nose.....?"

"That's right. I've volleyed the back into your court. Your play."

"What's on the table is.... maybe I bang one out in your right nostril, my assistant sees you out, I have a fruit plate at my desk and I spend the rest of my day doing donuts in the parking lot in a studio golf cart. Now, convince me why I don't do that.... hmm?"

.... why... we should let you.... do your idea...?

I shit you not... I've got at least a good baker's dozen stories in this same vein, all equally fuck-dickulous.

The point is, they are not uncommon.... dicks. In the ear... in the nose.... in, other places I can't imagine... they just find a way to poke their head in.

There is no protection.

There is no control.

Not over your ideas.... not over much of anything in your life. (Jesus, I'm deep.)

Control is an illusion. Like when someone 'steals' your nose.

They haven't actually taken your nose... it's really their own finger.

Just take a breath, and check again to see what you're actually missing.

Used to be, if you wanted to protect your idea (... your intellectual property, if that's not already a colossal contradiction in terms).... it used to be you'd put that thing down on paper, put that paper in an envelope and send it to yourself.

And, there it was. Stamped and dated. All official-like. A testament to how clever you were on the 15th of April, 19-whatever-the-fuck.

And.... so long as you never opened that envelope... you had your proof. An air-tight alibi that your concept, your script or song or manuscript couldn't have committed that crime, as it as was 'here the whole time'. Hermetically sealed and sitting safely on your shelf.

For me, this was to be my ingenious defense against "tv people".

'Cause, in the process of submitting scripts to agents, managers, producers... your first hurdle is usually the' submission release form'.

It's a pretty standard legal form, really; spelling out all the ways in which these folks can do, mostly, whatever-the-shit they like.

Y'know... paragraph four, subsection b states "the producer has the right to stick his dick in your ear, should he feel so inclined. Ad infinitum."

So, in making the "Let's Make Politics!" show... I've decided to run hard in the other direction.

Every step in this process is free to all. Anyone and everyone inclined to read or spread the idea... hallelujah!

Before the recent economic shit-storm (perhaps, you've heard of it... people buying mansions for twenty dollars... cats and dogs getting credit cards... the sun as black as sack cloth, etc.)... months before the sky did fall down, an executive at CanWest Global (a canadian international media company) came to me and said, they had money.... a Canada Heritage and Awareness Grant.... and, they wanted to use it to make a 'Canadian Daily Show', instead of just "dumping it into the Juno and Gemini awards shows... handing out participation ribbons to all the 'tards and special kids who couldn't hack it in the states." (... totally their words, not mine :)....

so.... I thought.... well we have a 'Canadian Daily Show'. It's called; "The Daily Show." I believe it wins it's time slot, and is almost half staffed by canadians.

Then..... I thought.... about what Seth Godin had said;

YouTube - Seth Godin: Sliced bread and other marketing delights

and.... what he said a few years after that...

YouTube - Seth Godin on the tribes we lead

(first, I want to say... thank you, Seth Godin.)

I'd been freaking myself out about the bully on the schoolyard, telling me at recess he was gonna take my nose.

I was being told, the best way to lead a movement was figure out where they were going... then run extra fast in front of that crowd.

I thought about... taste filters and trend setters..... creating a 'tribe' and leading a movement. (Watch the Godin videos.... both of them.)

I thought about what would I want to hear from a host that walks out, the first episode of this new show, and looks into camera....

... through the following link.... you'll find the first thing I wrote on the tv show, to be; "Let's Make Politics!"...

4shared.com - online file sharing and storage - download Politics!.rtfd.zip

and.... again.... all I'd ask is that you spread this...... spread this blog.... this link... spread this idea.

Not everyone's gonna dig it.... that's fine. I'm not talking to everybody..... and, if I was I'd be talking to nobody in particular.... y'know?

And, that'd make me the dick.

note to self... fame will kill you faster than meth addiction

I promise.... I do.... very next post, we start exposing and defining "Let's Make Politics!" as a show and a concept, but.... wow, Farrah Fawcett picked a bad day to die, huh.

And I just wanted to try to be amongst the first 50 or 60 people I'd heard, to say....

Society. You are to blame for what happened to the once radiant Farrah Fawcett.

You are to blame for her going bat-shit insane... for her getting horribly sick... that whole 'marrying Lee Majors' thing and, finally... for somehow managing to retroactively taint all those times a young boy wanked to her exercise videos.

For shame, society-at-large. For shame.

..... oh and, I guess most of that goes for Michael Jackson, too.

I'm sure she must've been beautiful, once.

adjusting, myself

I'm addressing uploading/linking issues in the last post... try to imagine how awesome it will be, with working links...

... or, am I illustrating a broader point about transparency?

ahhhhhhhhh..... choo!

sorry, I also write out my sneezes.

Please, Don't Take It Personal.... or, I'm Looking Through You

The 'official' website for "Let's Make Politics!" really is the show.

It's being built right now and, eventually, it'll house every aspect of "Let's Make Politics!"... including this blog.

And, there is just something inherently exciting about the production and polish of that step in the process.

Shiny things are attractive and probably always will be. And, though often times it seems this way, shiny isn't necessarily synonymous with shitty.

It turns out.... as I write this on the eve of the release of "Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen".... it turns out, you can actually polish things other than turds. (... ironic, given the alternate sub-title was apparently; "Transformers 2: I shit in your eager, expectant, upturned mouths.".... too wordy, I suppose.)

But even with a diamond, as I understand it, the polishing process still leaves you with less diamond. Smooth every point, every edge, and there's less there than there was before.

In my next post, I'll be attaching the one-sheet concept for "Let's Make Politics!". And, that'll be when we really hit the ground running.

Mind you... I'm not talking about the polished and refined version of the show concept, that'll be a fixture on the official site... kind of our evolving 'mission statement' for the show.

No... I'm gonna share the unaltered, unfiltered, perhaps even awkward, first steps of this process.

"But, Ty...", you're saying to yourself; "Are you out of your motherfuckin' gourd? How 'bout a little quality control? How 'bout a little control control? You don't just give away the store. You don't just give away the idea for nothing. Particularly, before this thing's up and on it's feet and motorin' along."

All good questions. All good points. And, I'll address them all in good time.

But, before we wade hip deep into that... I wanna say something about the personal nature of this thing and.. a big buzz word right now.. transparency.

This blog and, to a much lesser extent, the show's website will be personal.

It's unavoidable. I mean that's what blogs are, right?

If nothing else, blogs are unapologetically personal. At least, the good ones.

But... aside from the confessional aspect of this thing, this will not be a place for every pointless musing that holds my attention long enough to work my fingers over a keyboard.

What I'm sayin' is.... though this may disappoint or potentially alienate some of you... this will not be the place for my full review of "Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen".

That, of course, would be my own personal, non-work related blog; "By The Power Of Greyskull, Transform N' Rock Out!"; "Transformers Photoshopped Into He-Man Cartoons Set To Obscure Local Indie Rock Songs".... (and, by the by, fuck any of you who might think to steal that, 'cause I totally trademarked it.)

http://transformnrockout.blogspot.com/

(And.. to save you the suspence... my review of "Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen" basically consists of a video of my face.. full-frame, Blair Witch-style... and when you click on it, you watch as I undergo a fit of vomiting so unrelenting and violent that I can't stop crying, all the while..... oh and, at the very end, I look to camera and proclaim; "Tyrese Gibson is electric." So, that's a little easter egg, if you watch all fifteen minutes.)

I am though, also aware that those of you who choose to follow this blog (and this experiment in transparency, as we make a show) are quite possibly doing so, only to watch me burn bridges and/or willfully stick my finger in the eye of faceless tv executive stereotypes, who hold our fate in their hands. You're here to hear me tell tales out of school.

I'm sure there are those watching this blog like an eager Nascar fan... hoping you're watching the beginnings of a slow motion car wreck.

Y'know..... maybe the show goes.... maybe not.... maybe we get somewhere we didn't expect, or plan to... but, fingers crossed, this guy will set himself on fire in the town square for us to watch.

And... god bless you horrible gawkers. I can't say that I wouldn't share that sentiment, were I sitting in the grandstands with you.

If I'm not mistaken, I think that's how the "Burning Man" festival actually got started.

Story goes.... some dude 'accidentally' sets him self on fire in the Nevada desert, as is wont to happen there.... a gaggle of globe-conscious hipsters happen by, stop and say; "Hell yeah, social commentary! Take that, establishment! Fuck you, corporate fat cats and.. Frank Capra villains! Hear our plaintive, agonizing wails! Smell our sizzling flesh! Feel our... drum circles."... and, then I guess they marched on to protest the shading of cactus plants by highway signs, as previously planned... but not before, softly, mutually nodding; "Same time, next year."

And so... the "Burning Man" movement began. At least, that's how it as related to me but then, the guy who told me was pretty baked at the time.

http://www.burningman.com/

But, this blog.... this potential movement.... isn't built on ritualistic self-immolation.

I can guarantee I will try my best to be unfiltered, to not censor myself too much, to exercise questionable judgement whenever possible... but, I'm not actually trying to steer my sputtering fighter plane into the deck of television's battleship.

I'm trying to make a show, collaboratively and transparently.

That means showing your work.

Like long division on your fifth-grade math tests, you get a better grade if you show all your work. And, first and foremost, show your mistakes and your missteps, that's how you earn authenticity.

Somebody much smarter than I, said; "in an 'infinite content universe' the two most important commodities are attention and reputation." (Scientists have been saying for years that the universe is infinite.. but, it took new media analysts to confirm it.)

So.... attention... well, that's basically your time. And, that's finite. So, therefore it's precious.

Reputation... that's the fragile bit. That's what you do, or don't do, to fuck up your credibility, so that no one will spend any of their precious time paying attention to anything you say or do.

That's why you post unpolished work.

It's the unpolished diamond that's more interesting and more valuable.

Likewise, the unpolished turd is more likely to have some undigested corn kernel to be plucked out, washed, cleaned and, ultimately savored. (Though, I'd recommend buying it in a store.... they sell it in individual niblets with little to no trace of actual poo.)

As we make this thing together, we're gonna get into the building of the set, the graphics, the segments and, the architecture of a show, like I promised last post... even, the architecture of the host.

I have long list of comedy, variety and talk show hosts who I admire, respect, love...

Bill Maher, David Letterman, Conan, Kermit The Frog... and, many, many others.

But, I'd like to start the conversation, as to what goes into the new archetype of a host... and, the new DIY, ad hoc, ipso facto, 'nonsense word', zeitgeist of generally, makin' stuff.... I want to begin with insights from two broadcasting inspirations.

Radio hosts, Jesse Thorn and Ira Glass...

Now, I know we're makin' a tv show... an on-line and broadcast marriage, with a vital visual element. But, I'd just remind you that radio people originally built the scaffolding for television... and, jews originally built the pyramids.

One of these guys is both of those things. And, both of these guys are awesome.

Why...? Well, for many reasons, really.

"Radio guys" (especially, public radio guys) are like the dudes with the balding or, at least, thinning hair who feel they have to work twice as hard as you to get laid.... because... radio guys are the dudes with the balding or thinning hair who have to work twice as hard as you to get laid.

I say this with the utmost affection. It's all just compensatory, right? Without the visual element... or, the budget... you're forced to out work the other guy.

Jesse Thorn is the host and creator of the phenomenal podcast; "The Sound Of Young America", and my favorite, unapologetically personal, podcast "Jordan Jesse Go!"... (both can be found archived at his website; "Maximum Fun.org")

http://www.maximumfun.org/

.. this is a great and insightful two-part interview, he gave to Joshua Benton recently (... follow the links to find it streamed, for download and in print... but, to not listen to the audio is to deprive yourself of the nuance of his delivery, and a voice like honey drizzled on white toast.)

http://www.niemanlab.org/2009/04/jesse-thorn-anything-that-i-can-do-to-make-a-more-profound-connection-with-the-audience-ismy-job/

http://www.niemanlab.org/2009/04/jesse-thorn-on-the-future-of-radio-and-the-benefits-of-being-small/

Ira Glass is the host of the equally cultish and brilliant radio program; "This American Life" on NPR...

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/

and, it's Showtime tv series of same name, wherein he drives across America on his Radio Wheelie Desk, parking at landmarks and sharing wisdom and talking about people getting into serendipitous car accidents, and the like...

(It should be noted, as you'll see, Ira Glass has what appears to be a thick, enviable head of hair. Thereby, blowing a hole in my "radio guys" as compensatory achievers theory. But then you'll also notice, he's what we might call, a 'four eyes'.... so, y'know. Suck it. I win anyways. :)

this is a multi-part interview he did for "current tv"... and, this is a guy who cares about makin' stuff.

part one..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7KQ4vkiNUk&feature=related

two..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qmtwa1yZRM&feature=related

three..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hidvElQ0xE&feature=related

and, four...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9blgOboiGMQ&feature=related

These are just a couple building blocks. So, enjoy the brain candy and next post, as our collective breath catches in our chest.... we open the lid on this thing and see what happens...

for now, I'd just ask again, that you try to spread this... if you dig it.

'Cause, if you love something... set it free. If it comes back to you... it might be because it has herpes and wants to recommend you get yourself checked.

True story.

Dicks In Your Ear

"Politics" is a dirty word.

The common conception is a collection of disinterested, rich guys paddling each other off in a dimly-lit back room somewhere, conspiring to 'dick over' people in the outside world.

Like a frat's rush week ritual, where it's the old, 'legacy' members who run out into the world and see how many people they can stealthily, surprisingly stick their dicks in the ear of.

You'd think a rash of old white men running around the quad in broad daylight, brushing their flacid wangs against someone's unsuspecting ear would immediately marshal the campus police.

But, while nobody could possibly appreciate getting a dick in their ear... they seem to become numb to it.

That's just "politics", seems to be the prevailing attitude.

You're lying on a grassy knoll, cloud watching and some stranger sidles up to you and drops their dick in your ear.

Shrug..... that's just how it goes. That's just "politics".

This is all by way of saying of course, if you don't already subscribe to CSPAN's "After Dark" coverage of the senate floor... you really should.

But, that's actually not at all politics.

Politics, by definition, is a group of people coming together to make a decision.

It's the process by which we make decisions. The process by which we make change.

The "Let's Make Politics!" blog, and it's partnered website, is the place where I document the process of making a tv show called.... wait for it...; "Let's Make Politics!".

It's about the process of making a show, here in Toronto, Canada.

In some cases, the blog, and the site, will be a place to share insights into the process of making a tv show.

'Creative' meetings, for instance... and likewise, brain storming sessions or 'think tanks' can all be fantastically 'fuck-tarded'. Yielding those alternately sad and hysterical stories that you can't wait to run home with to bitch and moan to your girlfriend... to laugh but for crying.

But again... that's just the way it goes. It's the cost of doin' business.

You don't share that with the 'outside world', anymore than you'd take a fifth grade class on a field trip to a sausage factory.

No. Instead, you just bury your feelings deep down where they can metastasize into a tumor. And, you kill what remains of your conscience with the hard drug of your choosing. (I'm personally partial to the whole opium den experience.)

Now, I'm not gonna call anyone out or slag anyone personally because, I'm not actually retarded.

You don't jump up and down on the heads of people you're trying to work with, just to earn cool points with your audience. But, without getting too personal, or too specific, there's just too much funny there not to try to share it.

William Goldman wrote "All The President's Men" and "The Princess Bride".. and then, wrote his behind-the-curtain, hollywood confessional "Adventures In The Screen Trade". Even then... it wasn't like, he could afford to just say "I'm Bill Goldman. I wrote Butch and Sundance and Marathon Man, and if you don't like what I have to say, you can feel free to floss with my greying pubes."

He'd never say that. Firstly, he's too classy a gentleman to invoke mention of his pubes. Second, he too is not retarded and, would never engage in such pointless self-sabotage.

But, as we do our transparent approach to making a show here, and on the site. We'll return occasionally to this theme of 'dicks in your ear'. Because, in my experience in the entertainment industry, I can think of no more fitting metaphor for this process.

Mostly though, "Let's Make Politics!" is about the process of making a show. A show that will be a new, collaborative tv and on-line marriage.

We'll discuss, dissect and re-evaluate why things are done certain ways. How we design the look and feel of a show... how, and why, we design a set a certain way... why we design and incorporate graphics like we do.... or, even the 'design' and nature of the host.

The "Talk Soup" (now, just known as "The Soup") model of a tv show was truly novel when the E! network pioneered it. A host standing in front of a green screen is super cheap, almost infinite in it's potential to be visually dynamic and mostly, pretty easy to manipulate... so, it spread like wildfire.

In fairness, put someone funny like Joel McHale, John Henson (a personal favorite) or even Chris Hardwick (of the new splinter faction; "Web Soup").... really, put anyone funny in front of a green screen, or a blue screen, or a brick wall at The Laugh Factory, and I'll surely watch and giggle along.

But now... that idea and aesthetic has become a template. Much like the blog template-'box' that I'm colouring inside of right now. It's the way you do things now.... because... it's the way you do things now. And, it's cheap.

But, this is where we explore, and change, that logic.

In some instances, this will be the place where we highlight or preview stories and concepts like the ones we'll explore on the show. Blog posts as 'unproduced segments-to-be'.

See.... We're makin' a show.

And, although it may be called "Let's Make Politics!"... it's not about politics.

Instead, we're gonna reclaim and redefine that word. Just like we're gonna reclaim the airwaves... I shit you not.

At least, for a half-hour... and, that's assuming the 'underground tv complex establishment' that's made up of old jews and 'skull and bones' members (your Freemasons and your Jackie Masons :)... don't put out a hit on me. Some relentless albino assassin that's flagellating himself in the boiler room beneath the CTV corporate offices, right now.

But.... for right now.... with the blog, and the partnering site to come... I just want you to share this with people you think might be engaged by it... or, interested in it... or, might want to actively participate in it.

For now... all I ask is that you spread and share it. Share it with people, not 'cause I asked you to... but, if.... and, only if... it engages you, amuses you, interests you, or occasionally even tickles you.

'Cause, that tickle might just be a dick in your ear... and, you don't have to take that lying down.

That's not just the 'cost of doin' business'. That's not something to which you just have to just shrug your shoulders, and say; "That's just politics."

"Politics" (the word and the concept) is what we decide it is..... literally.

And, so is this show.

So... who's with me?!

C'mon... Let's Make Politics!